Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
