Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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