I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
