i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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