we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
