So many bounce houses so little time
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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