Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
