Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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