ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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