This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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