i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
