i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
After last night, I could never be a politician.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
