Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
