With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
