It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
