Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
