I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
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Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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