Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
