just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
