She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
