Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
its not stalking. its research.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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