a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
