I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
