I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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