he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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