I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
