i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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