I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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