'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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