allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
