I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
