She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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