the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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