you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
