it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
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we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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