And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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