no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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