You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
