dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
