the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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