He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
