it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
