when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
