No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
