i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
