Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You took a bar mat shot.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
