In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
