I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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