anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
