I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life