honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"