just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.