I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag