Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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