Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
