So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
