Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
