He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
