she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
