its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
