The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
