Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
