your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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