A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
