i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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