I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
