You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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