Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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