How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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