we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
even my farts smell like vagina
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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