ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
