I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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