Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well you can't waste a boner
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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