Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We're too hungover to prance.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
