I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
