wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
