when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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